when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
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tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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