Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize