What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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