I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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