How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize