i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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