how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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