So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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