Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
