A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
