Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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