Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
