just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think your dad took our porno
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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