eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The beer is more important than you right now.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
