I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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