Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
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I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
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hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...