You don't have asthma, your pregnant
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
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I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
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I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.