Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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