Already got asked if we're dating
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
