Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
