I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize