Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
BRING THE BAGELS
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
