My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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