I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
