Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
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I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
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Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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