5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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