Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
