I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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