Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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