ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
