I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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