just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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