He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
