i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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