Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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