I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
