Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
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woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
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It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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