I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
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i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
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don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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