I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
either way he was missing a nipple.
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By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
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I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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