i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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