is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
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Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
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That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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