SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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