Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
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no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
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The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..