i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.