Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary