Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again