my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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