I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
