I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
