I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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