omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket