I just saw a hot homeless man
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
These 25 Rude People Ruined Movies for Everyone Else
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life