just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...