He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I stole an accordion from the bar
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.