they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.