i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
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Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
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He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.