Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
