I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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