i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
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Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked