I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?